In this edition of S.I. (Sports Idolatry), we will cover (or expose) the truth about cults categorized as "sports."
Today, I made a groundbreaking discovery while viewing footage of an NFL game. I witnessed trans-species human beings claiming to be Dolphins, and I saw women transitioning themselves into Cowboys. According to the official website, the average cost for a newer procedure is $129.99.
But wait! This was not the only discovery I was able to make! For a slightly lower price, I saw parents changing the last names of their children to Prescott, Parsons, and Tagovailoa.
Sadly, racism was another find during this event. The people wearing green were shouting for the failure of the people clothed in silver, and the people clothed in silver were shouting for the failure of the people wearing green.
While I noticed many players on the grass and in the seats, the ones running on the grass seemed to be healthier than the ones sitting in the seats. Those in the seats were rather sick looking, as they consumed large amounts of fried foods and alcohol.
Footage just outside the stadium showed many homeless people sleeping on the streets, but that did not seem to slow down any Mercedes or Lamborghinis leaving the area. If anything, it just gave validation to the fact that dressing up to throw a ball is a skill that warrants being paid millions of dollars.
This week, I will go back to making fun of farmers, warehouse workers, courtesy clerks, delivery drivers, janitors, and servers at restaurants, since real service jobs pay way less. I will also be making sure to spit in the faces of volunteers at homeless shelters and food banks.
People believe that sports are real and the Bible is not, so this article does not need to preach about idolatry–you know, the sin disguised under the word "fan," where one human worships another by giving a tithe of their finances in exchange for some type of clothing or access into the club.
One conclusion I have reached–if no one committed idolatry, athletes would be the common nobody, like you and me.
Today, I made a groundbreaking discovery while viewing footage of an NFL game. I witnessed trans-species human beings claiming to be Dolphins, and I saw women transitioning themselves into Cowboys. According to the official website, the average cost for a newer procedure is $129.99.
But wait! This was not the only discovery I was able to make! For a slightly lower price, I saw parents changing the last names of their children to Prescott, Parsons, and Tagovailoa.
Sadly, racism was another find during this event. The people wearing green were shouting for the failure of the people clothed in silver, and the people clothed in silver were shouting for the failure of the people wearing green.
While I noticed many players on the grass and in the seats, the ones running on the grass seemed to be healthier than the ones sitting in the seats. Those in the seats were rather sick looking, as they consumed large amounts of fried foods and alcohol.
Footage just outside the stadium showed many homeless people sleeping on the streets, but that did not seem to slow down any Mercedes or Lamborghinis leaving the area. If anything, it just gave validation to the fact that dressing up to throw a ball is a skill that warrants being paid millions of dollars.
This week, I will go back to making fun of farmers, warehouse workers, courtesy clerks, delivery drivers, janitors, and servers at restaurants, since real service jobs pay way less. I will also be making sure to spit in the faces of volunteers at homeless shelters and food banks.
People believe that sports are real and the Bible is not, so this article does not need to preach about idolatry–you know, the sin disguised under the word "fan," where one human worships another by giving a tithe of their finances in exchange for some type of clothing or access into the club.
One conclusion I have reached–if no one committed idolatry, athletes would be the common nobody, like you and me.